The Ritual of the Elder

Here I am!!

In Switzerland!!! (This is SO amazing uncredibly beautiful!! I would sit for days each five meters and just look at the landscape!!)

I have only very short time today, but there is something I really want to share.

There have been some moments in this Way and some moments in the three years I was studying in Munich when the energy simply was exhausted. I was so tired of everything, I was so at the end of my forces, that the only thing I could do is sit and feel like a huge piece of worthless shit. Really a bad feeling. Sometimes things happen that lead you to such a state.

Well, the other day, while crossing the borders between Germany, Austria and Switzerland, I was feeling a bit like that. Very exhausted. Not only physically, but also on the inside. Not really wanting to walk another 35 km (it was going to be a really long day) and that the next morning and so on. My steps were slow. My eyes were on the ground. I had in mind that song of celtas cortos

"a veces llega un momento en que
te haces viejo de repente
sin arrugas en la frente
pero con ganas de morir
paseando por las calles
todo tiene igual color -everything was really looking kind of colorless-
siento que algo echo en falta
no se si sera el amor"


Well. The soul seems to have an emergency system that activates in such moments, and I am always impressed about the power mine shows. It started kind of subconsciously in Germany, during my endless bike riding nights through the english garden, and it grow more and more to a Ritual. I think the name "of the Elder" fits it perfectly.

Well, what saves me in that moments from actually turning into a huge piece of worthless shit is the following: I imagine my father and my mother. They're just behind me, walking at the same rhytm I do. Then I imagine my grandparents, the ones I liked and the one I didn't. They are behind my parents, they're walking with me. Then I invoke the fathers of my granfathers, and so on. All my anchestors are behind of me, in silence, neither approving nor disapproving, simply accepting whatever decission I have taken (e.g. to go the Way until the end), and aiding me. Simply staying behind of me, saying silently "We are here. We are with you. Your steps are our steps". They won't talk, I won't see them if I turn, but all their names are written in my skin, in my brain, in my heart. Their bloog is my blood, their dreams were like my dreams, their fights were like my fights, and their fears were alike. They will walk with me. I have all of them boiling inside of me and they will silently follow and help me wherever I want to go.

At this point my vody is filled with a new energy. It's hard to describe. It doesn't matter anymore what my trouble before was, if the feet were hurting, if I was afraid, if I was unsure about a decision. I feel all my elders inside of me, I feel all the force of my family, their old dreams, their old wishes, all concentrates inside of me... And then nothing ever can stop me.

Two days ago I made the Ritual again, and, guess what, at the end I walked ~40 km with 1000m vertical distance.

So, I have to hurry now... To all the people that have written me beautiful mails and comments: I`m really sorry that I`m not answering... But it`s very difficult to get to the Internet in the Way. You will receive my answer, PROMISED, but it will take some months :)